Both...and....
One year ago today a saw started to whirr and cut into bone. That saw cut Zach's leg off above his knee.
Now I wasn't in the room when it happened, but it I assume that it didn't actually happen that easily. I also have no idea what sound the saw that that use to amputate legs sounds like, and I really hope I never have to be in a situation again where I need to think about that.
I wrote a post about that day to share the update with our community and also talked about balance and recovery. You can go back and read it if you'd like. I still had hope in spite of the wreckage of the storm. (If you read the post that will make more sense.)
Now here we are one year later. We are all very different. I am very different, Jenn is very different. Our purpose, our mission, our life is very different. The biggest difference of course is that Zach' cannot walk up the stairs, with one leg or two. He cannot light up a room with his smile or geek out on video games and youtube. He isn't here.
Every day here is different than 1 year ago. The best way I've heard to describe it, at least what works for me is "both...and..." That's a term that can be used to describe how people feel while they are grieving, and for me it just fits.
I am both sad, and happy.
I am both angry and inspired.
I am both hopeless and hopeful.
I am both tired and energized.
Every day, I am "both...and..." The grief, the loss, the whole in our world does not dissipate. I personally need to make sure it's there because that helps me remember Zach. But each day I may cry less than the previous day, I may smile more. I may feel just a bit less exhausted, and more motivated and empowered.
That's every day. I don't expect to change any time soon.
Since our last post about our first Relay for Life so much has happened. I don't think we can effectively share all of it, but here are some of the most relevant items.
We've had tons of conversations with the good folks at American Cancer Society about participating in more Relays for Life. We are booked for our local one, here in Sudbury on 5/21. You should definitely come out and see us honor Zach. I believe we'll be on around 9 pm, so none of this staying up to midnight stuff! Thanks to Lisa Dropkin for making us aware of this event and connecting us to make it happen.
We've been invited to speak a few more Relays for Life in Massachusetts and New Hampshire, and while we can't make the even in Massachusetts, I think we will be able to make at least one in New Hampshire if not more.
We also have started to work with Gold Together, an American Cancer Society initiative dedicated to increasing awareness of childhood cancer, supporting families facing a diagnosis, and raising funds to end childhood cancer. I expect we'l have more to share on that in the future.
And earlier this week, on Thursday. we returned to Zach's last school, The Glenholme School in Connecticut. We were invited to give a variation of Zach's Rules for Life to the students and staff. This variation featured 12 Rules, not just 9. And it kicked off two things:
The school will use one rule each month as the basis for The Kindness Project, where students can win awards and recognition based on how well they embody the rule. What an amazing way to honor Zach! The hope is that this will be an annual thing and help future students learn about and honor Zach.
Zach loved to ride horses and the barn will soon be named to honor him. The students were invited to design the sign for the barn. I'm welling up with tears just writing that - every time that I think that Zach will have a building named after him, I don't even know what to say. (And you've all seen that I always have a lot to say.)
At the end, we revealed that every member of the Glenholme community would get their own, limited edition version of a Be Like Zach Shirt.
Now we didn't go to Zach's school for us. Yes, each time we do this it helps us. But we went to try to share his story, and help students and staff find ways to make themselves and the world around them better. And this is what was the most important part of the day.
We were amazed to learn and hear how much Zach, even in a very short time at Glenholme, impacted his peers. One of his closest friends shared a poster they made that truly honored Zach. Another one let us know that he had a framed "Be Like Zach" shirt in his room at home.
As you may remember, Zach had social and emotional challenges and Glenholme is a therapeutic boarding school. So the most incredible part was to have his peers approach us afterwards to share a memory of Zach, or let us know how much Zach and his story had already positively impacted them.
I don't feel I have permission to share one of the most emotional stories we heard from one of his peers and how Being Like Zach positively changed some of his relationships and trajectory. But let me tell if you, if we could share it, it would bring you to your knees - and you would flabbergasted and amazed.
As we've said before our goal in doing is to help just one person in the audience be better. Once again, Zach and his story positively impacted way more than one person.
There are few more ways to summarize the day below, but right now I now there is only one way to close this post
Be Like Zach. Keep Moving Forward.
If you want to watch the entire presentation at Glenholme, you can watch it below.
And here is a summary of the 12 rules we shared.
Beautifully done. Your news is exciting and so positive and hopeful. Thank you for sharing the video from Glenholme and yes it was filled with joy, smiles, tears, and most of all hope.