Rewind

Whooooosh. You know the sound. It's when you are watching a mystery or a documentary and they zoom backward in time. It's always like that, a whooshing sound as timeline moves in reverse, or an image with appropriate treatment to ensure it looks old, fades in. Whoooooooosh.

We got whooshed the other night. Whoooshed hard. We were at the Red Sox (thanks Alan!) and were lucky enough to be on a tour of the stadium. We walked down the hallway where all the suites are. It was the same hallway that on June 20th, 2021, Father's Day, we went to a photoshoot for Zach and us inside of Fenway. And our shoot was in one of those suites on the first base side. One of our favorite pictures of Zach was taken there. (I took it by the way, not the professional photographer.)

Not only was this my last fathers day with Zach, but 2 days before we officially told that was it - he would not survive. This was really the first thing that was the start of the end. This photoshoot, in this hallowed place, it's a very special moment that is burned into our hearts, our souls and our memories.

As we walked by the area where the suite was, Jenn and I both looked at each other and said "you know what was here, right?" We both knew instantly. We continued down the hall, into the elevators that only provide access to the floor of suites. The whooshing inside my head was cacophonous.

We headed down and into the hallway toward the rest of the stadium. It was whooshing so hard I got something in my eyes. Yes, that still happens. ALL THE TIME.

A little while later on our tour, we had the special privilege of going inside the Green Monster to see how it works. If you've never been in, it's definitely something worth seeing. Inside, there are thousands and thousands and thousands of graffiti signatures. Zach, and all that he stands for, is now there too.

We had amazing seats for the game, and somewhere in between perhaps the 4th and 5th inning, a song came on that Jenn and I just looked at each and knew it was hitting us the same way. Good Grief by Bastille. The lyrics give us both the opportunity to rewind, with a giant whooosh. I've emphasized the lyrics that whooosh the hardest for me.

The video is way too weird, so I'll link to the song.

Watching through my fingers
Watching through my fingers

Shut my eyes and count to ten
It goes in one ear out the other, oh
One ear out the other, oh

Burning bright right till the end
Now you'll be missing from the photographs
Missing from the photographs

Watching through my fingers
Watching through my fingers

In my thoughts, you're far away
And you are whistling a melody
Whistling a melody
Crystallising clear as day
Oh, I can picture you so easily
Picture you so easily

What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?
What's gonna be left of the world, oh?

Every minute and every hour
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more
Every stumble and each misfire
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

Watching through my fingers
Watching through my fingers

Caught off-guard by your favourite song
Oh, I'll be dancing at a funeral
Dancing at a funeral
Sleeping in the clothes you love
It's such a shame we had to see them burn
Shame we had to see them burn

What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?
What's gonna be left of the world, oh?
Every minute and every hour
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more
Every stumble and each misfire
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

"If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle
Now stop worrying and go, get dressed"

You might have to excuse me
I've lost control of all my senses
And you might have to excuse me
I've lost control of all my words

So get drunk, call me a fool
Put me in my place, put me in my place
Pick me up, up off the floor
Put me in my place, put me in my place

Every minute and every hour
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more
Every stumble and each misfire
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

Watching through my fingers
Watching through my fingers

Cause every minute and every hour
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

It's the end of September, Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, October is around the corner. It's approaching a dark time for us. We filled the last 2 weeks with 2 different childhood cancer conferences, including serving on two panels to ideally help other bereaved parents.

We are speaking about Zach and his Rules for Life at his last school again this week. We are walking in the Jimmy Fund Walk a week from today. We are speaking to the entire Jimmy Fund team on October 15th. We are going to a serve on a panel at the Boston Children's Hospital/Dana-Farber bereaved parents conference on November 2. November 5, you all know what that is. (3 years.) November 11, is our first ever fundraiser for Zach's Bridge.

All of that work helps us get through. Busy is better for us. All of it though has lots of whooshing. We do it because we know other families will be whooshed too. Those waves of sound, pictures and memories can bring a person to their knees. They can stop someone in their tracks for days. Give them pause or make their body hurt for months. I wish Zach was here so we weren't doing this. But maybe, just maybe, we can help the next person so when they are whooshed, they can keep moving forward.